Eeghad...

The most important relationship in your life is the relationship that you have with yourself -- DVF

I am struggling with this relationship so hard right now. My check book is bouncing and I have this room full of all of this crap, this STUFF. Pictures, brushes, books, movies, shoes, pens, and I like all of my stuff, I really do. I look around at all of it and I dont want to give anything up, but what is it for? I see dust on so much of it. It's like the radiohead lyric "I'm not living; I'm just killing time." I feel empty. And it's fear, and I'm conscious of it. I'm insecure, I'm afraid that I can NOT do something if I put my mind to it. I am my own worst enemy. I mean, call this the blog of cliches, but fuck. I'm terrified over here and I need some damned guidance. I havent met a single person in my life who knows what the hell is going on. HELLO!! Little help over here. I'm drowning and the only buoy i have is myself. 

i guess people would tell you to leap. just leap at some opportunity. try something, anything, to get the blood flowing again. to jump start everything that ever made you smile or wince or jump up and down. 

massage therapy

mfa - fiction

ma - professional writing

teaching certificate

so obviously teaching is most likely to provide job opportunities. professional writing would be second place, but the jobs would be scarce. and the MFA, while it might be what i think i want to do, would more than likely be a bunch of money down the john. 

next step??

in your 20's, you have your youth, but shit if it's not scary. but hey, maybe i just need to take a xanex and cool the fuck out. i'm 24, and i DONT have it all worked out. go figure.